Keeping you updated!

It's been almost a full month since I last posted so as I'm sure you can guess there has been a lot of progress. The word count is at 102363 which may not seem like a big jump, however the script went through some thorough editing and is looking all the better for it. 

I've mainly spent the past month doing concept artwork, trying to get the characters onto the page and inhabiting their world. It’s been working out quite nicely. And since everyone is keen too see them I've decided to upload a few. It’s a little difficult to choose what to upload however, because the majority of the illustrations give away important parts of the plot so I've decided to draw a few specifically to upload here.
Until then I will leave you with a new character design which I'm sure you'll like.

Dr Faolon Kahl

Dr Faolon Kahl For The Hadron Gateway

Faolon is a complex and caring character that is both incredibly intelligent and comfortingly sturdy. His role appears drastically different depending on the story but overall he is most present in Rheeven's story as a dependable person. I wanted to get across the fact that he is both strong and intelligent without losing any of his gentleness which was quite a difficult task. I think I pulled it off quite nicely by giving him a strong build and kind eyes. I chose purple to reflect his authoritative position because red felt too aggressive and green was just too weak. I had never originally intended Faolon’s skin colour to be so brown, but it went well with the colour scheme and it seemed to make sense that someone as well rounded as Faolon would be a mixture of the best of all races.

Overall I'm extremely pleased with the way he turned out. What do you think of him?

Some Art and Updates

Rheeven's path is now at 95175 words! It will be roughly on target for the word limit but I might have to cut a few thousand if it goes much over 110000. It’s been very action heavy because it’s the peak and naturally humour has taken a sideline. I'm now at the point where I need to start thinking about the twists in D'rosk's story. He can't ride on the back of Laythan's and Rheeven's. Though the stories intertwine, I want them all to have their own plot to keep things exciting. Instead of figuring it all out, I've been doing some artwork instead so allow me to introduce my next character design.

Count Oren Avio

Count Oren Avio For The Hadron Gateway

Avio is a colourful and mischievous smooth talker who delights in winding others up. He makes sure his contacts spread far and rise high, giving him the edge. Despite his constant attempts at grinding Rheeven's gears, he’s a good and fair person plus a loyal friend. I tried to capture his nature in his face and I think I got it spot on. I gave him a good sturdy build because he needs to look like a dependable friend and I kept his colours calming. I had always pictured him to have black hair until I came to colour him. I decided it was best to have Rheeven as the only black haired character in the group to keep him standing out.
So what are your thoughts?

I did some more sketches to help visualise the story and if more people would like to see then I'll upload some sketches before I get them coloured. Let me know!

Bit of News and Artwork

Good news - things are running smoothly and the story is heating up! Poor Rheeven has a lot of tough decisions facing him and the situation is starting to spiral out of his control. There’s plenty of action and some humour to break it all up. It’s now at a whopping 76000 words (I've yet to work out how this has happened!) and I've been feeling especially inspired.

Not only that, but also I did a lot of concept sketches to draw myself into the story a little more (pun intended). I've been debating on whether to upload them or not. What do you think? Upload the sketches or wait until I find the time to colour them first?

In the meantime I have a little something for you to look at. I have Rheeven looking very strapping in his party outfit and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.

Rheeven Lo For The Hardon Gateway

As with the girls, I kept the colour palette the same as his original outfit which he wears throughout. I think the whole thing reflects his smart and proper nature perfectly. Despite the fact that most of the men at the party would be in bright colours Rheeven is dressed in black and isn’t overdone on the detailing. So what do you think?

Shooting Forward!

I've gone and done it again... gotten so distracted by the work that I've forgot to keep everyone updated on it. And now I don't even know where to begin!
I'm now about two thirds of the way though Rheeven's path and its coming along just great. I had to abandon it for a few weeks to refresh myself from writers block, but I got back at it again and it’s running smoothly. Poor Rheeven is currently in over his head and getting a little roughed up in what is going to be a very exciting scene for all of you. I should show him a little mercy really... but where is the fun in that? He's got some big challenges facing him and its going to get tense!
The word count is currently at 63741 and is turning out much higher than I'd anticipated. I suppose stories have a habit of running away with you when you enjoy them so much. Luckily I've been sure to make sure every word counts and has you hurtling forward desperately wanting to know what happens next.

As for the artwork I have so much that I haven't shown you yet! I've designed and coloured Count Oren Avio who appears in all three stories and features mostly in Rheeven's. I also completed D'rosk but I have a sneaking suspicion that his head is a little too big for the design. I can upload him once I've toyed around with it a little. I designed Rheeven's party outfit however his necktie needs a quick edit. Then there's Sayjan, one of Rheeven's accomplices. I was unfortunate enough to have his file corrupt on me and all I had to work with was a flat version but I managed to complete him regardless. Since he's relevant to the path I'm writing now and he’s been such a pain I thought I'd show him first.

Sayjan Zueda

Sayjan Zueda For The Hadron Gateway

Sayjan is from Rheeven's story and he's Code-Kind, hence his blue skin, fumes and inbuilt mechanics. (For anyone unsure as to what Code-Kind actually means have a look at Cakes, Counts andCode-Spawn. the explanation starts at the third paragraph.)
Like the rest of his race, he's skinny, eyebrow-less, small nosed and pointy eared. I found that giving him a personality without the use of normal eyes and eyebrows was more difficult than I'd first thought but I think I got his kind nature across regardless. Because of his blue skin, I felt limited with colour and decided to keep his clothes fairly plain with the odd splash of orange and red to bring it out. I gave him a long scarf to bring the whole thing together and it should add drama flying around in the action scenes. 
As I'm sure you noticed, there’s a large squiggle behind his head. I had planned for something a little more aesthetically pleasing to make his hair visible and I'd only placed it there temporarily while I did the smoke. Unfortunately I can’t get rid of it since the file flattened so you'll have to put up with it. I'm sure it could have been worse. 

So what do you think of my first Code-Kind design?

More Designs!

So, this time round I have two images of the same character. The first is a redesign and the second is her outfit for the party scene. You might be wondering why I seem so interested in the party scene, but I can assure you its not for no good reason - it just so happens to be where some of the characters converge and interact making it a really interesting part of the story. Anyway... allow me to present Nile Castaneda:

Nile Castaneda

Nile Castaneda For The Hadron Gateway

Nile corresponds to the second in from the right on Design Sheet 1 on the original designs. She plays the part of Rheeven's bodyguard and I wanted her outfit to reflect that. I chose dark clothes that wouldn’t snag on anything, keeping it roughly to the same idea as the original but with a more practical look. I liked the yellow because it stopped the design from looking too black and colourless so I kept that in. I liked her being curvy because I felt it gave her a tougher look which is exactly what she needs. The hair was already had a nice cut so I simply translated it over into my illustration style and altered the colour a touch to match her skin. As I've said before, I felt that the original cast weren’t varied enough so I gave Nile a more olive skin tone to vary things up a bit.

The main change was her face. I gave her a diamond face shape, slanted eyes and a button nose with full lips to give her a sharp look. The tough bodyguard look matches her personality and I'm very pleased with the way this turned out.

Nile Castaneda For The Hadron Gateway

For Nile's party outfit I designed a very enhancing dress that exaggerates her lovely figure whilst still looking classy. Like with the others, I chose the colour based on her casual clothes but unlike the others this has a detailed pattern and sparkles to make it stand out. I didn’t want to give her too many accessories because I felt like it might drown out the detail on the dress so I complemented it with full length gloves instead. The style of the dress also has the added bonus of allowing her to conceal weapons under the material on her hips, much to her delight. As for her hair, I was a little stumped. There's really not a whole lot I could do with that sort of hair style so instead I went for an accessory rather than an updo. 

I think it’s a lovely outfit and fits in nicely with her overall look.

So what do you think of Nile?

Image Update

I noticed the images on this blog were much bigger than they should have been and it was making them difficult to view in lightbox so I've been through and resized them all so you can see them all properly without having to wait for them to load. It’s made them look better in quality and now they're all roughly the same size. I'll do that with all my new uploads from now on, that way there won’t be any trouble viewing them.

More Character Work

The writing has taken a back seat this past week or so, giving me a chance to get through some more artwork. Have a look and let me know what you think of them.

Filo

Filo For The Hadron Gateway

Filo is from Rheeven's story. I have to say I absolutely love her. I got her exactly the way I pictured and captured her personality. I originally wanted to give her full leg dungarees but I decided against it because her jacket was already covering her scrawny build and I felt she would loose character. I gave her a mismatched outfit to exaggerate the point that she’s not the type to ever look in a mirror. I used green and red to add a bit of a clash and an eyebrow piercing to show her more daring side.

Brendt

Brendt For The Hadron Gateway

Brendt is an oddly polite and colourful rebel in Laythan's story. He will be heavily involved in D'rosk's story too, but I'm not clear as to what part he will play. Like Filo, I managed to peg his personality and draw him just as I pictured. Brendt doesn’t have a scrawny build but he's definitely a short guy and one of the only characters that seems to keep himself looking presentable. He has a kind looking face to suit his gentle nature. Mostly his colours are natural with the exception of the splash of purple, which I added to emphasise his camp side.

I'll leave it at that this week and hopefully by next week I'll be showing you the finished version of D'rosk. And just as an update on the writing - the word count on Rheeven's script is now at 33500 and could do being cut down. I might try and merge some scenes together where possible which will also quicken the pace.

So much to say!

It's been far too long since I last posted! You'll be pleased to know that’s because I've done a hefty amount of work on this VN.

My biggest news is probably that I started Rheeven's script and I'm now at 28725 words. It’s been so strange not writing about Laythan especially since I don't know Rheeven very well yet. Trying to match up the events of each story is even harder than I thought but at least its going well. There's a lot more of the political side of things in Rheeven’s story but its certainly not lacking in action - he's already had his fair share of close shaves. I'm only a few hundred words form the point where he and Laythan's paths first cross and I have a feeling I'm going to enjoy writing that part a great deal. 

I've been working hard to make sure his story has plenty of mystery and doesn’t give too much away too early. It's been a lot more difficult that Laythan's in that there has to be a lot of information given at the start to make it all make sense. I've had to try and find a way of spacing and balancing it out without making it confusing to read. I must be roughly a quarter of the way through so I'll need to go back and cut the word count down a little but that shouldn't be too difficult. 

There was a horrible moment when I lost 6000 words because of a file mix up. I managed to retrieve 4000 but the rest had to be rewritten and any writer knows that it’s never as good the second time. You can imagine my frustration. Still, apart from that hiccup, it’s going very well all in all and I'm thoroughly enjoying it.

So aside from that I'm just waiting on my kind test subject getting through Laythan's script so I can do the final editing and then I can start to code it!

As far as the artwork goes I've got lots to show you starting with one of the main 3 characters. Have a look through them and let me know what you think.

Laythan Joel (L.Joe)

Laythan Joel (L.Joe) For The Hadron Gateway

I first drew Laythan in a dynamic pose instead of the usual dull upright position and I think he looked a lot cooler the first time. I also found that he’s near enough impossible to draw in such a dull pose. I don’t know what it is about him... it took me 5 tries to get it right (even then his legs are too small). Yet when I draw him from awkward angles doing action poses I can do him no problem - it makes no sense! Oh well, its not like I'll be drawing him standing doing nothing at any point in the story so it doesn’t really matter.
I wanted his design to match the others but still stand out so that’s partly why he has dyed sandy hair. I went with purple and blue as his main colour scheme which I think was a bit risky - It’s not often you see a main guy in purple. However, I think it works perfectly. He's got the odd splash of gold here and there to give the colour scheme some life and stop his hair from seeming totally out of place and it’s pulled it all together quite nicely.
His build (when the legs aren’t too small) is quite slender but not the thinnest of the bunch by far. He’s got a youthful sort of body that’s still broadening and filling out so he’s not the most impressive guy to look at. I felt if I made him look to strong, his fights and struggles would seem less believable. As far as the three main character go, he’s in the middle - D'rosk is stronger and Rheeven is weaker.
I think his face matches his personality perfectly; kind natured but ready for mischief.


Denji Javhwa

Denji Javhwa For The Hadron Gateway

Denji (redesign of the fourth guy in on design sheet two) was one of the easiest to redesign. I didn't have to change his clothes so I simply added in the plain black shoes. As for his body shape, I decided to make him more buff to suit his rough and ready attitude. He's Laythan's right hand guy so he needed to have a tall, solid, dependable look about him.
I gave him a long face that’s wider at the bottom and a mess of dark hair. I think he has a lot of character and his face matches his loud energetic nature and need for mischief. I also gave him brown skin to go with his dark dependable theme. The original cast wasn’t varied enough in skin colour and I thought Denji would be a good candidate for a more Asian look.
I really like Denji's design, partly because it turned out exactly as I pictured first time with no fuss and because it fits in nicely with the others. What are your thoughts on Denji Javhwa?


I did have another design to show but I noticed that I had forgotten a few details on him so I'm going to go back and fix that before uploading him. So you should get to see him sometime soon.

That should be plenty for one update! I hope you enjoyed it.

Rylie Redesign!

Rylie Negeen

Rylie Negeen For The Hadron Gateway

I just realised that I hadn't uploaded this yet! It's been done for ages now. So this is Rylie Negeen (Third in on Design Sheet 2). As you can see there’s been a few changes to the outfit. The original one wasn’t that practical as far as her dangerous job goes, so I covered her up a bit while keeping the overall idea there. Her hairstyle is pretty much the same but I changed her face to suit my style. Ignoring the fact that this particular illustration of her has no expression, I think that she has loads of character with her long face and pointed lips and nose. I made her the curvy one out of all the girls but without over doing it. As part of a set I think she fits in perfectly with the rest and I'm really pleased with her.

Next on the list is Denji, who I'm already halfway through colouring so he should be up at some point in the next seven days.

So Much Artwork!

I've been working like a machine this past week and managed to churn out the designs for Denji, Caelin and Skont plus a re-draw of Laythan (which still needs edits) and I even managed to draw Lonyo in his party gear. None of this is in colour yet but I've begun inking. I also have Rylie finished but I want to fix the dodgy shading on her knees before I upload her. So as far as character designs and redesigns go, all I have left to do is Faolon, D'rosk and Xenison!

I lined them all up on one page and got very excited at seeing them all together. I think they all work together perfectly and are consistent in style and detail. Overall it’s going very well. I feel a little guilty that I haven't uploaded much art the last few weeks but I'm sure you understand that these designs take a lot of time and effort to get right. There will be no settling for poor quality rush jobs in this VN.

Done but not Dusted

Laythan's path is finished! After adding in three extra chunks it’s finally done. I haven’t been over it to edit it yet but I want to leave it a week or two so I can look over it with a fresh eye. So now that it’s complete I have found myself at a loss for what to do... My evenings suddenly seem so long and empty without it. It looks like I'll be getting back down to the artwork and concepts. Aside from that I need to work out the timing of all the events in Rheeven’s path to match up to Laythan's. The most difficult part about this is that Rheeven and D'rosk's paths are heavily intertwined by a character named Xenison, whose actions are very important to the overall progression of each path. Since D’rosk’s story still isn’t clear cut I'm going to have difficulty with Rheeven's.
Even so, I'm itching to start writing Rheeven's path. The world he has to deal with is really coming into focus and I feel for him over the adversities he faces which means I'm becoming attached to him. Once I become attached to all the characters the story writes itself. My only obstacle is the timing parameters.
So with Laythan's path standing at 112 266 words and set to loose a good few hundred of scene descriptions once the artwork is complete, I'm estimating the final number to be at 111 000. Rheeven’s is probably going to reach about an estimated 90 000 tops and D’rosk’s will most likely be around the same. At that sheer amount of story you'll certainly be getting value for money!

More Character work

I have been working on Rylie’s re-design plus Leeya and Myatt's outfits for the new scene I added in, and I'm finding myself quite pleased with the results. Rylie needs a few minor tweaks before I upload her but until then, let’s have a look at Leeya and Myatt.

Myatt D'gana

Myatt D'gana For Hadron Gateway

I kept the colour palette the same as her usual outfit for that cartoon style continuity. I wanted to show off her scrawny legs while keeping the dress pretty rather than sexy. I think the shape has worked really well on her and the added curls in her hair coupled with the femininity of the dress really transforms her from the scruffy rebel to a fine lady (something Laythan cant help but notice...). Overall I think this has worked wonderfully.

Leeya Nalani

Leeya Nalani For Hadron Gateway

I had a little more trouble with Leeya because I wanted to keep her colours the same yet found her skin tone fighting the brightness of the red for attention. It took a bit of colour editing to find the right shade of red, but I got there in the end. I think this type of rich detailed dress suits Leeya's personality. Seeing her in this dress does make it easier for me to envision her as the future queen. Because the dress is so detailed I chose to keep her accessories to a minimum and left out the necklace. I think Leeya and Myatt's outfits will compliment each other in the illustrations.
Though you don’t get to find out in the script, Laythan gets a rather unpleasant jolt when he compliments Leeya on her dress, remarking that it must have been expensive. Her breezy reply "Of course it was. But thats ok because you boys bought it for my birthday next month." has the effect of momentarily distracting him from his pressing assassination problems to remember that niggles still exist close to home too. Exasperated and feeling a distinct ache in his wallet Laythan has no choice on the matter - Separating a woman from her ball gown doesn’t seem worth risking a broken neck and weeks of wrath for...

Character designs at last!

Though I siad I'd upload these over the course of the week I ended up waiting untill I finished a few so that I could talk about all of them in one post. So I'll get right to the point.

Prince Lonyo

Prince Lonyo In'tomnda Laspanour The Second For The Hadron Gateway

This is Prince Lonyo In'tomnda Laspanour the Second. He's a redesign of the character on the far right of the original design sheet 2. On the original he has a blue Jacket, and although I think it looks better in blue I chose red for the regal look. There were a lot of experiments with the brightness and hue and I eventually settled for a red that didn’t fight the yellow for attention. With this design I really struggled with the colour of his boots. I tried a thousand combinations until I finally settled on black and gold and If I'm honest I still don't think its quite right. Aside from the problems with colour I think I really captured his smart but camp personality in the face without going overboard. I felt that the face on the original design was too effeminate and not strong enough for the character he needs to be. I also wanted to give him a little substance because he is very much the group’s central pillar in Laythan's path so he had to look dependable. I did worry that I would find Lonyo particularly difficult but I think I've really done him justice. I think he holds together very well and will fit nicely into the illustrations.

Jen Vidaya

Jen Vidaya For The Hadron Gateway

This is Jen Vidaya who corresponds to the first character on design sheet 2. As you can see I've kept the colour palette but made some changes to the clothes, face and build. She has a very small waist, muscled arms an average chest and big feet. I wanted her to be a tomboy so I had to change the skirt for trousers (aside from that, it would be little impractical for her to fight in a miniskirt). I went for a tattoo that would be easier to draw from all angles and I changed her face to look a lot less delicate. I wanted the viewer to be in no doubt that Jen's the type that would enjoy a messy brawl. Thankfully choosing the colour for her shoes was quick and painless unlike Lonyo's.

Myatt D'gana

Myatt D'gana For The Hadron Gateway

Myatt D'gana (who is the redesign of the third character on design sheet 1) was good fun to draw. I changed he body shape so that she is not curvy, not slender, but scrawny and childish. She's the tallest of all the girls yet she looks the youngest. Her outfit has stayed the same with the exception of her glove and her leggings. As with Jen, it would be silly if she tried fighting in a tiny dress and long socks. As Laythan's love interest I wanted her to look approachable and I took care to avoid the cliché of making her a curvy hottie. Plain was the way forward with this one as far as looks go. I think her charming face along with her tall scrawny build and approachable looking nature made her a successful design for me.

Leeya Nalani

Leeya Nalani For The Hadron Gateway

Leeya Nalani (who corresponds to the second character of design sheet 2) was also great fun to design. First and foremost I changed her skin colour because in the original designs everyone appears to be white. Given that they come from different places in different words I felt that it would be highly unlikely for them to all be the same colour. As for her body shape, I made her average in terms of curves and short legged in terms of height. Leeya is very petite and is actually the smallest of all the characters. As for her face I went for beauty and concentrated on making sure she would suit her role of crafty web weaver. Since Leeya doesn’t do any running around or fighting I stuck with the skirt and only made a few small changes to the outfit. I changed her sleeves and I gave her a more suitable belt for the role she plays. I would have made her shoes heels but I decided to go with flats to emphasise her shortness.


That’s plenty to be getting along with for now. Next to be uploaded should be Rylie followed by Myatt and Leeya in their evening dresses. Until then let me know what you think of the redesigns!

New Character Re-designs

Though I had aimed to get the script finished I've ended up doing more artwork for it instead. I've been on a role this weekend and managed to redesign Myatt, Leeya and Rylie plus I've also designed one of the outfit changes for both Myatt and Leeya. I'm also in the middle of doing an upright image for Laythan so he can stand in the character line up, because at the moment all I have for him is an action shot. So there will be plenty of artwork coming this way over the next week!

The Last Scenes

I've been writing up the first of the three ending scenes and I've found that it’s the hardest part of the entire script so far. When there are 106000 words all leading up to one moment there's so much pressure to make it beyond perfect. I feel like I can’t quite convey the tension and emotion without loosing the action and vice versa. Another thing I have to think about is making sure I'm not patronising the audience by over stating the obvious - a habit I've gotten into recently. I have a feeling it’s going to take two or three shots to get this right. 

I would have liked to have finished it by now but with all the overtime at work I did over the last few weeks, it just hasn’t happened. I've been in the mood to get more done today but as it’s my birthday I can’t just sit at a laptop all day. My kind guinea pig, who has agreed to read the whole thing through, has been informed that the script should be finished in the next two weeks. If there are any problems raised I will make sure they are fixed and then it’s on to either the artwork or onto Rheeven's path (or maybe a bit of both).

New Scene - Cakes, Counts and Code-Spawn

Finally a day to myself! I've decided to add the new scene in before editing out the paragraphs of extra information since I'm really in the mood for it. I hope to get the scene mostly finished by the end of tomorrow providing I don’t get called in to cover more shifts at work. I started it last night and I'm already having fun with it which is always a good sign. 
If I had to give it a name it would be Cakes, Counts and Code-Spawn, though I doubt that will give you a great deal of insight into what the scene is about. I have a feeling you'll enjoy reading it as much as I'm enjoying writing it. It's going to be a touch suspenseful, action packed and peppered with light hearted character interaction for a little comedy relief. I'll be introducing the Code-Spawn into Laythan's path for the first time. He will have to deal with this first ever terrifying encounter with a Code-Spawn while trying to figure out what brought them to such an encounter in the first place. You'll be as intrigued as Laythan is...

I'm guessing most of you are at a loss as to what a Code-Spawn actually is. It seems like an important detail to miss out seeing as Rheeven's path revolves around them almost entirely. I've only mentioned them very briefly so I'll go into a bit more detail. But before I do, have a listen to Equinox, since its the right mood with a similarly creepy monster to get you in the right mind frame.

A very advanced race called Code-Kind (a slang nickname that stuck) from a place known in infamy as the Kingdom of Codes, created the Code-Spawn completely by accident - And not a happy accident either. Like our own world they began to dabble with mechanical limbs for those who were unfortunate enough to have lost their own. It was a science that they perfected. Such was their ability to create mechanical parts for humans that "upgrades" soon became a thing of fashion. It prolonged life, strengthened all aspects of them, augmented their natural abilities. They learned how to grow bio-mechanic human parts that were a mixture of organic and machine and within a few hundred years, it wrote itself into their DNA like a forced evolutionary cycle - an unexpected side affect. But it was too late by then. Their physical appearance, though humanoid, was forever altered from the norm. 

The original rough Code-Spawn concept that inspired most of Rheeven's path.

This was not a problem on the grand scale of things, infact it had made the Code-Kind one of the hardiest races in human history. Veins of blood and oil, hearts like engines and brains crossed with circuits were not something to be looked down upon. The problem arrived in the form of a disease.
It was the first in human history to be both a human disease and a computer virus, affecting all aspects of their make-up. The epidemic took them quicker than the plague and was several times more contagious, transferable by all bodily fluids. It did not kill them but altered them irreversibly. The most notable and terrifying thing about the disease was that once it had a hold on its victim, it would claim it under a hive-mind (shared consciousness). No one knew where the hive mind originated or if it was some kind of morphic resonance. It was intelligent and destroyed its victims own consciousness completely. 

The result was millions of humanoid creatures with one mind all bent on the same thing, earning the nickname Code-Spawn. In some ways it acted as the ultimate upgrade. From the moment the disease entered their system their bodies adapted to a form that was strengthened, toughened and very difficult to kill. Their gender was all but lost, arriving at a strange middle-ground, for the sole reason that they no longer saw that type of reproduction as the most effective way of continued existence. The Code-Spawn condition was passed by infecting others and that, mixed with the insatiable human desire to reproduce, created an army of creatures all desperate to infect others, with the intelligence to do so.
Some argued that this was not a terrible disease and loss of humanity, but simply the next stage of evolution. However, when they started being used as a weapon against other worlds, all sympathy was lost.

So if Laythan has to face down a creature that can infect him as easily as spitting in his eye, you can imagine he's not going to enjoy the experience...
He must fight it off, yet if he’s not careful it could end in the loss of his own humanity and the downfall of the world he calls home. And still the question must be asked - why on earth, in a clean uninfected world, has he had to fight one in the first place?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on the Code-Spawn and their design. What do you think it is? A disease or an evolutionary cycle?

Intensive Editing Week Needed!

I need an intensive week of editing but since I'm doing overtime for the next two weeks I can’t see it happening. It turns out there’s a little bug in the script that I want to fix sooner rather than later. But rather than summing it up I'll let you see the feedback I was given that led me to this obvious conclusion.
(I pasted this straight in with only colour edits just for that authentic msn touch, so excuse the rambling and spelling errors etc.) 

Harlin says:

by the way i wanted to ask

Harlin says:

what did you think of what you read last night?

Zoe says:

its iiiinteresting ill tell you why

you know how i said you write really dramatic scenes and keep me on edge

Harlin says:

yeah

Zoe says:

and then you said you where worried that you rambed on and where boring or something..

Zoe says:

i cant remember exactly?

Harlin says:

worried that i ramble and drag it out in a really unexciting boring way

i remember saying that

Zoe says:

yeah. drag out.  well some scenes, where i dont know what is going to happpen, like the execution, thats where its super intense and heart racey

Zoe says:

and all dialoge is great.

Zoe says:

but when someone starts monoologuing a plan, or over explaining the sotry or whats going on and whats happened as we where with the l.joe gang, that can drag on a bit, but its not too bad with explainations like that,

Zoe says:

but when i already know the plan.. like say i know laythans going to walk through the sewers, has to get to a cetain place.. has to avoid ths that and the other of getting caught

Zoe says:

there is a lot, and i meen a lot, of scenes like that.  indevidual tasks and missions that they go on.  becuase its all so complex , the story

Zoe says:

and its fun when the characters are interacting and theres good dialogue and jokes and inventive stuff like rock slop  and the desciption of the sewers was great. really came alive.. i remember when i read that part ages ago you said bo felt sick from it

Zoe says:

so sometimes it really works

but other times it can be a bit same old same old when its laythen telling us what hes doing, where hes going and why hes doing it.

Zoe says:

so really, its show and not tell that needs to be embraced

Harlin says:

yeah thats what i was worried was happening

Zoe says:

it ups your word count. and it tells us things we dont know and explains things we might not be 100% sure of, and its all well written. great sentence structure. flows really well. theres nothing uncomfortable or tricky about the way you write...

Zoe says:

but it isnt neccessary for the story

Harlin says:

but its not as fun to read as the rest?

Zoe says:

i want to cut to the action action action characters characters

Zoe says:

yes.

Zoe says:

its like the scenes in a film they would cut in the edditing room

Harlin says:

yeah

Zoe says:

laythan thinks like you.  weve said before

and its very level headed,

and constantly analysing and processing whats happening in a methodical way

Zoe says:

it reminded me a lot of the 3rd book in the hunger games

thats all about a group of rebbels with a project to incite a rebeliion and bring down the Capitol (its even called capitol like yours is the capital. sorrryyy) 

Zoe says:

and it has cool invetive weapons like your world has

Harlin says:

arrrrrrrrrrrgh

wish these proffessionals would stop stealing my ideas lol

Zoe says:

and different armies and weird mutant creachers (like magnus bull apes) chasing them etc AND theres a lot of escaping/ambushing though the sewer system.

Harlin says:

argh what?!?!?

thats not fair!

Zoe says:

but its done very very well. and i really think youd benefit from reading it, to see how the action is paced out and what is put between the scenes to ballance it.

Zoe says:

 i know. im sorry. 

So...

It looks like I should read the Hunger Games. I've been avoiding those books since I started reading the first and hated the main character. She’s a bit too whiny and weak for my liking, personally. I like women to be machines and leave the boys to be the sensitive creatures with feelings. I know its backwards but that’s just what sits right with me. So I might give it a miss and see if I can work it out my own way.


I think Zoe is right about some of the scenes not cutting to the action quick enough and going into too much description. Much of the place description will be edited out once the artwork is completed anyway so I'll loose a good few thousand words right away. But that won’t change the fact that I've gotten into the habit of over explaining the characters situation and stating the obvious. I think I got in to the mindset that my audience are idiots... I don’t know how it happened but it’s not good! So I'll have to purge the scripts of these paragraphs of unnecessary explanation because they aren’t increasing the quality and it would be better to have character interaction in place. I also think that I need to stop having Laythan explaining a plan and just let it unfold so the reader finds out as he goes.


But if that’s the only criticism for the script then I'm doing great! After all, it’s not difficult to fix, it’s just a bit time consuming because of the amount of words I'll have to read through. I'm really excited about fine-combing it into something resembling perfection because that means it’s nearly done! Just need to finish writing the peak and after that Laythan's path is complete!


(P.S. Anyone curious about this dubious "Zoe" character can see her amazing artwork www.zoecox.tumblr.com because she’s wonderful!)